A little funny on a Friday ((is it Friday??))
Just a quick food-less post for the Friday before Christmas. I should be working away in the kitchen, testing out my Christmas Eve plans, or re-making my favorite breakfast casserole: Big Country Breakfast Bread Pudding ((because the pictures posted with the recipe don’t do justice to HOW GOOD it is…)) or I should be making those yummy eggnog truffles ((I found on Pinterest and tried — ahh-mazing)). Instead, I have been getting to know the “ins and outs” of the colonoscopy world. Now, there is no need to get gross and specific — that’s what Google is for, right?
But, let me briefly share my TOP 6 ((G-rated)) thoughts from the 36 hour-long pre-test process:
6) I am so hungry my ankles hurt. (2 class Christmas parties and a Christmas feast on a “fasting day” is very poor planning on my part.)
5) Seawater, pine-sol and lime. “They” are making me drink 2 liters of warm seawater, pine-sol & lime. Even worse, I am complying!
4) The makers of this stuff must reside in Hades. Evil, it’s a bottle of evil.
3) Not that I need one, but this system would make an EXCELLENT torture device – I was ready to tell anyone who would listen everything I knew – just to make it all stop. Sadly, no one would listen. Even if someone would listen – I have no good beans to spill.
2) The President of the United States should have to disclose to and receive approval from Senate and the House before he preps for a colonoscopy. Really!! I mean NO good decisions could possibly be made during the 36 hours leading up to and the 15 hours following a colonoscopy. My recovery guy said, don’t drive and do not do any internet shopping for the entire day. I am just a little old mom of four who likes food – my circle of impact is limited. I say, “Mr. Pres – you and I both know the torture this process is putting you through. Step down for a day or two…or three. Oh! And forget the internet shopping warning – do not push any buttons or sign any papers!”
1) Last, I am sure you have noticed those stickers “26.2” and “13.1” on car bumpers? I think there needs to be a “2.0 liters” sticker! Endurance: at 1 o’clock in the morning, the endurance of a marathon runner is key ((for more than one reason)). It is at that moment, alone in the cold darkness, when faced with the last 16 ounces of sludge, I managed tap into reserves I never knew I had. Every system in my body – shoot every single cell, was pleading “Stop the madness, do not take one more drink!!”. Yet, I defiantly chugged every last poisonous drop. An athlete – a true athlete. A proud moment, bumper sticker worthy.
“This too shall pass.” A phrase intended to bring comfort, right? Not in the “prep” world. Dread. Deep dread.
Well, there is no going back — it all worked out in the end. Oops, sorry!
It was a real blast. Oh dear.
Let’s just say, today is better than yesterday! My next late night date with the prep from Hades is 10 long years away!! I, for one, am signing the petition for research and funding toward the development of a delicious chocolate bar prep. One can only hope!